The pitfalls of texting while dating, and living in an age where our minds have been taken over by the constant need for Text Content Analysis.
Read my piece at Huffington Post.
October 17, 2012
October 2, 2012
An Open Letter to People Who Repin My Pins on Pinterest
Tina, you repinned my pin “Summer Dress.”
Tina, that dress I posted to my “Haberdashery” board (which I called “Haberdashery” in an attempt to be clever and interesting), costs almost as much as my rent - why are you repinning it? I guess it’s because you like the style as I do, but in no real world scenario save for the both of us hitting the lottery, or maybe becoming best friends with the designer, are either of us ever actually going to be able to own that dress. Unless you’re really wealthy. Are you really wealthy, Tina? If you are then why are you on here pinning things when you could be out there actually buying them?
Emma, you repinned my pin “Apple Galette with Butterscotch.”
That galette looks so amazing, right Em? But let’s be serious here, are we ever really going to make this thing? I’ll be honest with you, every time I pin something to my “Sweet” board (much more interesting than “Desserts”), it’s because I’m stuck at the office feeling really hungry. In an ideal world I’d like an apple galette, or that six-layer chocolate cake Sarah pinned to just like, magically appear on my desk. But you and I both know that’s not going to happen. And I don't know about you, but if I'm being honest, and I think I should be, there’s no chance in hell I’m going to trudge home after a long day at work and attempt to make a galette in the kitchen of my studio apartment that has only enough counter space to store a cereal box. Emma, I bet you don’t live in Manhattan. If you did you’d probably just go and buy an apple galette on your way home at any number of bakeries this fine city has to offer like I will. Also, don’t you find the part of the recipe that calls for making the butterscotch from scratch hilarious? HELLO! YOU CAN BUY BUTTERSCOTCH IN A JAR! Crazy pinners…
To everyone who hasn’t repinned anything from my “Straight Up” board (so much more clever than “Cocktails”). I guess it’s because you, like me, prefer to have drinks made for you at bars instead of buying all the ingredients for, say, an English Heat (made with Beefeater, jalapeño-infused agave, lemon, Tuaca (?!?!), and dry vermouth), only to drink it alone in your apartment standing at your very small counter that has nothing on it but a cereal box.
Hey Alex, remember when I repinned that picture you pinned of a beautiful log cabin on a lake from your “Favorite Homes” board to my “Dream Home” board? You have other pins on that board too - a rustic Virginia colonial, a quaint cottage in Belgium, an Italian palace – so pretty! - however while these are your favorite homes, something tells me you don’t actually live in an Italian palace. Don’t worry Alex, I won't tell anyone (and while we’re admitting things, I’ve never been to Belgium). However, seeing as how it’s your “favorite,” I do hope that one day you get that lake house. You seem like a nice guy, and I bet you deserve it.
To my meager 30 followers. The reason I haven’t repinned you guys in a while isn’t because I don’t like your pins of pictures of dogs in trench coats, and wedding tablescapes, and black and whites of a brooding Ryan Gosling—it’s just that, well, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with them. I feel like Ben and the Pinterest Team would call me a fraud because I’ve never painted a table from Ikea using whatever color is hot right now (green?) and added a stencil of whatever animal is trendy right now (whales are the new deer are the new owls?). Nor have I ever used any recipe that I’ve pinned, including the one that looked especially tasty of herb roasted chicken with truffled cauliflower mash and lemon-caper gremolata.
I don’t even know what gremolata is. I usually have cereal for dinner.
I don’t know how to pull off mint jeans, or faux fur vests or knit leggings or horizontal stripes. Posts of Elizabeth Taylor, serving bowls, fruit smoothies, lacey underwear, outdoor lounge chairs, pictures of Sammy Davis Jr., antique jewelry, wedding dresses, feather headbands, Chanel handbags, Prada handbags, Coach handbags, signs that say things like, “Shit could be worse,” or “Punch today in the face” or “Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle,” —I’m just always like, I mean, I guess?
But I’ll keep pinning and repinning if you do. I don’t mind telling myself that I’ll eventually learn one day how to do my hair in that messy bun style, or match floral prints with neon, or make my own popsicles. I suspect we’re all kidding ourselves just a little bit every time we log on there anyway. It’s like HERE ARE ALL OF THE THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU BETTER BUT YOU'LL NEVER DO OR HAVE! Which is really sort of depressing, amiright? But at least it’s pretty to look at. I know my life would be better if I stored my toilet paper rolls in a glass flower vase, or used vintage hat boxes to organize my closet, or made my own face cream using egg whites and mayonnaise –but I just can't be bothered.
And then I saw that Erin posted to her “Dream Big” board a sign that said, “Life is what you make of it.” Erin what can I say, you’re so right. I’m going to go and try to track down Tina now. I have a sneaking suspicion she’s a millionaire.
Happy pinning!
Tina, that dress I posted to my “Haberdashery” board (which I called “Haberdashery” in an attempt to be clever and interesting), costs almost as much as my rent - why are you repinning it? I guess it’s because you like the style as I do, but in no real world scenario save for the both of us hitting the lottery, or maybe becoming best friends with the designer, are either of us ever actually going to be able to own that dress. Unless you’re really wealthy. Are you really wealthy, Tina? If you are then why are you on here pinning things when you could be out there actually buying them?
Emma, you repinned my pin “Apple Galette with Butterscotch.”
That galette looks so amazing, right Em? But let’s be serious here, are we ever really going to make this thing? I’ll be honest with you, every time I pin something to my “Sweet” board (much more interesting than “Desserts”), it’s because I’m stuck at the office feeling really hungry. In an ideal world I’d like an apple galette, or that six-layer chocolate cake Sarah pinned to just like, magically appear on my desk. But you and I both know that’s not going to happen. And I don't know about you, but if I'm being honest, and I think I should be, there’s no chance in hell I’m going to trudge home after a long day at work and attempt to make a galette in the kitchen of my studio apartment that has only enough counter space to store a cereal box. Emma, I bet you don’t live in Manhattan. If you did you’d probably just go and buy an apple galette on your way home at any number of bakeries this fine city has to offer like I will. Also, don’t you find the part of the recipe that calls for making the butterscotch from scratch hilarious? HELLO! YOU CAN BUY BUTTERSCOTCH IN A JAR! Crazy pinners…
To everyone who hasn’t repinned anything from my “Straight Up” board (so much more clever than “Cocktails”). I guess it’s because you, like me, prefer to have drinks made for you at bars instead of buying all the ingredients for, say, an English Heat (made with Beefeater, jalapeño-infused agave, lemon, Tuaca (?!?!), and dry vermouth), only to drink it alone in your apartment standing at your very small counter that has nothing on it but a cereal box.
Hey Alex, remember when I repinned that picture you pinned of a beautiful log cabin on a lake from your “Favorite Homes” board to my “Dream Home” board? You have other pins on that board too - a rustic Virginia colonial, a quaint cottage in Belgium, an Italian palace – so pretty! - however while these are your favorite homes, something tells me you don’t actually live in an Italian palace. Don’t worry Alex, I won't tell anyone (and while we’re admitting things, I’ve never been to Belgium). However, seeing as how it’s your “favorite,” I do hope that one day you get that lake house. You seem like a nice guy, and I bet you deserve it.
To my meager 30 followers. The reason I haven’t repinned you guys in a while isn’t because I don’t like your pins of pictures of dogs in trench coats, and wedding tablescapes, and black and whites of a brooding Ryan Gosling—it’s just that, well, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with them. I feel like Ben and the Pinterest Team would call me a fraud because I’ve never painted a table from Ikea using whatever color is hot right now (green?) and added a stencil of whatever animal is trendy right now (whales are the new deer are the new owls?). Nor have I ever used any recipe that I’ve pinned, including the one that looked especially tasty of herb roasted chicken with truffled cauliflower mash and lemon-caper gremolata.
I don’t even know what gremolata is. I usually have cereal for dinner.
I don’t know how to pull off mint jeans, or faux fur vests or knit leggings or horizontal stripes. Posts of Elizabeth Taylor, serving bowls, fruit smoothies, lacey underwear, outdoor lounge chairs, pictures of Sammy Davis Jr., antique jewelry, wedding dresses, feather headbands, Chanel handbags, Prada handbags, Coach handbags, signs that say things like, “Shit could be worse,” or “Punch today in the face” or “Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle,” —I’m just always like, I mean, I guess?
But I’ll keep pinning and repinning if you do. I don’t mind telling myself that I’ll eventually learn one day how to do my hair in that messy bun style, or match floral prints with neon, or make my own popsicles. I suspect we’re all kidding ourselves just a little bit every time we log on there anyway. It’s like HERE ARE ALL OF THE THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU BETTER BUT YOU'LL NEVER DO OR HAVE! Which is really sort of depressing, amiright? But at least it’s pretty to look at. I know my life would be better if I stored my toilet paper rolls in a glass flower vase, or used vintage hat boxes to organize my closet, or made my own face cream using egg whites and mayonnaise –but I just can't be bothered.
And then I saw that Erin posted to her “Dream Big” board a sign that said, “Life is what you make of it.” Erin what can I say, you’re so right. I’m going to go and try to track down Tina now. I have a sneaking suspicion she’s a millionaire.
Happy pinning!
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