tick tock goes the clock.

If you were to talk to me about timing, I’d be honest with you and say that I’m not the right person to be around if you want to get anywhere you’re supposed to be. Stay away, I’d tell you, keep clear if you’d like your life to happen, because I’m bad luck.

I’m never at the right place at the right time, do the exact wrong thing (and say the even worse thing) at the exact wrong moments. I’m constantly caught in the rain, walking outside without an umbrella (in the sun!) minutes before the sky opens up (how does it always happen so fast!?) and am forced to walk the entirety of Houston Street in a downpour. I’m always running towards the turn-styles just seconds before the 6 train closes it’s doors (please swipe again!), and wondering as it speeds away if there was something or someone on that train I was supposed to see.

I’m convinced I’m leaving bars (after sticking around for far too long) just moments before someone I could actually like walks in. I take chances when it’s too late, open my mouth to say something important just as someone else chimes in and speaks for me. I fall for people the day before they’re supposed to leave the country, and finally allow myself to admit I like them just before they’ve fallen for someone else. I repeatedly show up at happy hours minutes after they’ve ended, need a cab when they're all full, and always somehow have to leave town the same weekend my favorite band is scheduled to play.

In New York, with all of these people and all of these things happening every second of every day, I wonder how much these little shifts and missed moments I have no control over are changing my life without my even knowing it. Is there no choice left sometimes, but to watch the clock and hold your breath and have faith that somehow their hands will get you to where you’re supposed to be in the end, regardless of how long it takes? I miss trains and planes and opportunities every moment of every day that could all, if I were a normal person, lead me to somewhere that I think I’d like to go, if only timing would ever get me there.