How one chain is runing my life.

Okay and it's not Starbucks, for those of you who I've heard whispering behind my back that I have a real “problem” and “slight obsession.” And don't think I don't see through that look, that boy-does-that-girl-really-need-to-get-some-help look. You don’t have to say it. I can see it.

No, my real problem came via television screen circa last week when I heard a certain commercial come on and I thought: is this for real?

And then I saw it. Audrey. In Funny Face. In a GAP commercial. Dancing to AC/DC.
Ce qui?

She fell into the GAP wearing black skinny pants and a black turtleneck sweater, moving about the screen looking out of place, transposed onto a white backdrop. And then I gasped – she was wearing The Office Uniform. For at least two years now I’ve been wearing what has come to be called, The Uniform. Jeans and a black turtleneck sweater, and for work (The Office Uniform), jeans become black pants.

Watching Audrey sashay all over the set, I realized with horror (trés horrible!) that I will now be accused of being enamored by mass media marketing of the most magniloquent kind. THE GAP!

Have people in this generation even seen Funny Face? I remember my first time, long ago, when I think The Uniform first seeped into my subconscious. I also remember being a little nauseous at the end of the 1957 classic, when Fred Astaire follows Audrey to the Chateau de la Reine Blanche in a very knight-in-shining-armor sort of way. Ugh.

Regardless, is this new obsession with Audrey going to spin out of control? Are we all supposed to now re-name our cats Cat, start using the term “powder room” (sans $50)? Will the GAP be telling us come winter that we should be wearing little black dresses to brunch?

I'm slightly offended that they have stolen The Uniform, and am still somewhat tetchy about the whole affair. It’s like what Jo says: “I’m not mad. I’m hurt and disappointed.” Because everyone needs a signature piece in their wardrobe, (like Jackie O and her sunglasses), and mine just happens to be the black turtleneck.

The GAP is ruining my life. It’s ruining classic movies, icons, and my life.
And by life, I mean my style.